I was just reading Grant Cordone’s book, Sell Or Be Sold,when I came across this section that talked about just agreeing with the customer. He spoke about how agreeing with the customer can start the relationship off right and that it is easier to get a sale when you are in agreement with a customer rather than disagreeing and pointing out when they may be wrong. It made me think about how this applies to my own relationships and how simply agreeing with the ones I love can open my eyes. Let me explain…
Helps Me Understand
One of my life principles is to Seek to understand, not be understood. Simply put, I want to try to understand where others are coming from rather than pushing to have them understand me. By using Grant’s agreeing technique, I can easily react to something with agreement, and then do my best to make that statement true. For example, if someone says it is cold outside, even though I may think it is warm, I can agree that it is cold outside and then do my best to understand why that person thinks so. For example, some people have blood conditions that make warmer temperatures still cold to them. Now, if I simply disagreed and said it is NOT cold outside, I would have pushed them away, versus trying to understand that people experience things differently, so agreeing with them can help me understand where they are coming from. Now you may be thinking, “If you agree with someone even though you have a different opinion, isn’t that manipulative?” The answer is no and here is why…
Why Agreeing Is NOT Manipulative
Grant was asked this question directly in his book. His response, which is true, simply is that it is NOT manipulative. You are not saying that you think something is a certain away, you are simply agreeing that you see their point of view. So, when someone says it is cold outside, you can agree that you see what they mean. Or at least it can put you in the frame of mind to think of all the ways that someone could believe it is cold outside. You are simply saying that you understand that they feel it is cold outside. You can then continue the conversation. For example, a great response to someone saying it is cold outside would be, “I see what you mean. Fortunately for me, I always run warm, so I can deal with the cold pretty well.” You just agreed with the person, and told the truth at the same time. They will appreciate that a lot more than, “What? Are you stupid? It is NOT cold outside.”
There is power in agreeing with people. When you agree with someone, it keeps the conversation open for more discussion. You can agree with someone, keep the conversation going, and have many opportunities to understand them more and to subtly help them see it your way. Your goal is to understand them, NOT manipulate them. When someone says something you don’t agree with, simply agree and try to understand. Then keep the conversation going. Disagreeing with someone and parting ways will not do much for the relationship. Agreeing, trying to understand them, and then slowly sharing your opinion will make you a great listener and slowly bring people around to your way of thinking. In my opinion, this is just smart and a great way to Seek to understand, not be understood.
Even though Sell Or Be Sold is a sales book, it can help with relationships too. In sales, you have to understand people, just like you do in your everyday relationships. This book, though I am only half way through it, has been a great read. I look forward to finishing it. If you want to pick it up, use my affiliate link here: