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Emotional Deposits


Have you guys ever heard of emotional deposits?  I have heard of them referred to as love tanks (from the book The 5 Love Languages) or emotional banks.  No, it is not a physical place you go.  There is no drive up teller or physical location you can visit.  A love tank or emotional bank is the space in the heart of someone you love or care strongly about.  An emotional deposit is an amount of love you invest in someone so that they can feel special, appreciated, and loved.  We all have them.  And if you remember the post from last Relational Tuesday (Do You Know How To Love?), then you may have put two and two together to figure out that the emotional deposit you place in someone has to be how they liked to be loved.  Let’s look at a couple examples.

That “Needy” Friend

Sometimes you may come across a friend that NEEDS to have a certain amount of your time.  Perhaps you haven’t had the that much available time to spend with them lately because life has gotten in the way.  Maybe your family has really needed you lately or work has been overwhelming.  Whatever the cause, this friend has not had any time with you, and they are feeling neglected.  They may have even reached out to you a couple times, asking to spend some time with you.  The problem is they haven’t received any emotional deposits from you and their love tank is low.

That “Moody” Spouse

Have you ever wondered what is wrong with your husband or wife?  Why are they acting so moody or being so quiet?  Perhaps it is because their love tank is low.  Maybe you haven’t spent enough time with them and they are feeling unimportant to you.  They may stay moody until you ask them what is going on or you realize you haven’t invested any love in them, or invested any love the way they need to be loved.  You may think they are just being rude and don’t understand how busy you are.  But perhaps it is you who doesn’t understand what they need from you.  Perhaps you are not seeing their need for an emotional deposit.

A Love Tank That Needs Filling

If you have not made any emotional deposits into a friend, spouse, or child they will feel unloved.  The relationship starts to break down a bit and you are wondering what is going on.  The problem is that you haven’t invested any love in them and their love tank or emotional bank is getting low.  When this happens, you will see a change in their behavior and they will NEED some of your time.  Their love tank needs to be filled back up.  You need to show them love the way they need to be loved in order to make an emotional deposit. When you show them this love, their love tank will fill up some.  The more emotional deposits you make in them, the more their love tank will fill.  As you stop showing this love, over time, their love tank starts to empty.  As it empties, you may experience less forgiveness from them.  They may not be so understanding to what you are going through.  They NEED another emotional deposit.

Final Thoughts

Everyone has a love tank or emotional bank that needs deposits.  The types of deposits you make per person depends on how that person wants to be loved.  In The 5 Love Languages, they shared how we have to keep a person’s love tank full if we want them to be happy.  And as we make more deposits into their emotional banks, we will receive more love and understanding from them.  And if they have a full love tank, we will experience more forgiveness from them.  If they have a full love tank and you make a mistake, you will be more likely to be forgiven than if they have an empty love tank and you mess up.  If their love tanks are low, they will let you know, either via their words, actions, or lack there of.  If this happens, it is time to make an emotional deposit.  If you are smart, you will make deposits daily.  Keep them feeling loved and they will keep you feeling loved back.  

If you are not feeling loved, let them know.  Not in a mean way, but by communicating with them. Tell them what you need and let them know how you need their love.  Communication and regular emotional deposits are necessary if you want your relationships to be happy and healthy.

The 5 Love Languages was a great book that talked about this concept of a love tank.  You can pick it up via my affiliate link here:

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