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If You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get!!!


Have you ever been upset with someone when they didn’t do what you wanted them to do?  It could be that you wanted them to gas up the car, pick up some milk, or simply do the dishes.  Perhaps you were expecting them to take it upon themselves to step up and do something.  When they fail to meet your expectations, you ask them, “Why didn’t you do that?”  Their one line response is, “You didn’t ask.”  You stand there like, “What???”.   But it’s true.  You assumed they knew what you wanted, but you never actually asked.  You may be thinking, “Why do I have to ask?”

“Why do I have to ask?”

Because asking takes the guess work out of what you are expecting.  It is tough to hold people to doing something when you were never clear about what you wanted.  A lack of communication can cause all kinds of problems.  The best way around these communication problems is to be clear about what you expect and ask for what you want.  This is very simple and can have a huge impact on your relationships.  Let’s look at an example…

“Last one out of the bed has to make it!!!”

It was a weekend morning about four or five years ago.  I got up like I usually do on a Saturday morning, while my wife was doing her hair.  I got myself together and walked downstairs.  My wife comes on the balcony and asks, “Would it hurt you to make the bed every once in a while?”  I have to admit, the question didn’t hit me quite right, but she wasn’t wrong.  She had made the bed pretty much every morning for over fifteen years.  Would it hurt me to make the bed?  Not at all.  I remember going back upstairs, having a few words with my wife, and we ended with a rule…”Last one out of the bed has to make it!!!”

The Impact Of The Bed Making Rule

It was evident that my wife was a little frustrated with me about never making the bed, but I never really knew.  No, I won’t say that I just thought it was her job.  It was just that she always made the bed.  By her simply asking, she made me aware.  Now, whoever is out of the bed last makes it.  Ironically enough, I am usually out of the bed before she is, but when I am not, I make the bed.  Even better, if I go back upstairs after she wakes up, and she is not in the bed anymore, I will make it.  I rather enjoy making the bed and find it kind of relaxing.  I am doing my part and my wife really appreciates it.  It is an easy way to get some hubby points!!!

Final Thoughts

Relationships can be drastically improved when we simply communicate.  By asking for what we want, we remove the guess work from our expectations and let the other person know our wishes.  Too many relationships struggle because we hold people to expectations that they don’t even know exist.  Instead of asking for what we want, we tend to think, “They should know.”  Be clear about what you want.  This is one of the simplest ways to improve relationships and it doesn’t take much effort. 

So next time you find yourself upset with someone because they didn’t do what you wanted them to do, remember…

“If you don’t ask, you don’t get.”  

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