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Be Absent On Purpose


Are you the guy or gal who is ALWAYS there?  If there is a night out, a lunch date, or a fun activity, are you always the first one to say you will be there?  Or maybe you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend and want to spend 24 hours a day with them?  If you are, it may be time to re-think that.  Sure, there are times where you will always want to be there, or even need to be there, but trust me, don’t always be there.  What’s the problem with always being there you ask?

Taken For Granted

If you are the guy or gal who is always there, you may be taken for granted.  If you never miss an outing or are always available, people won’t necessarily look forward to you being there.  They will just assume you will be there.  There isn’t much excitement in that.  You want people to look forward to seeing you, or even surprised that you are in attendance.  You DON’T want to be so reliable in always being there that people see you and just say, “Hey…how ya doing?”  You want them to say, “Hey Joe, I haven’t seen you in a while!!!  How ya been man???”  You DON’T want to be part of the crowd.  You want to be that needle in the haystack people surprise themselves by finding.  As Robert Greene said in the book The 48 Laws of Power, “Too much circulation makes the price go down…The more you are seen and heard, the more common you appear.”  Don’t be so common that you don’t stand out!!!  But what if it is a new relationship, like a new boyfriend or girlfriend?  Well, read on…

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I know…you have a new boyfriend, and he is to die for.  If you don’t spend time with him, he will move on.  Or your new girlfriend is so hot that you have to be around as much as possible so no other guy takes a shot with her.  This can be very tempting in the beginning, but you need to create some value through scarcity.  If you new boyfriend really likes you, make him miss you.  If your new girlfriend is the one for you, you don’t need to fight off the other guys.  I know it is cliqué, but absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Make your significant other miss you.  Make them wonder where you are and even be a little disappointed you are not there.  As Robert Greene says, “The more people see you, the more your value degrades.”  This can be tough to do, but if used wisely, can greatly enhance your relationship.  Value through scarcity can be a great thing, but there are times when you just HAVE to be there.

You Gotta Be There!!!

Though you want to make your absence felt, make it times where it’s not a big deal.  You don’t want to miss the 25 year family reunion.  You don’t want to skip out on the funeral of a loved one to make others miss you too.  You need to make sure you are there for a friend who is going through a rough time.  These are just a few examples of when you HAVE to be there.  These are times where you’re absence doesn’t make others grow fonder of you, but actually makes you lose points in their book.  You want to be a staple of strength and reliability for the right reasons and when you are needed.  Know which event or invite you HAVE to attend and which one can be easily missed.  There is a big difference in missing Thursday night Happy Hour and your best friend’s wedding!!!

Final Thoughts

You may be thinking the 5and2Guy is telling you to not be social.  That is NOT what I am saying.  I am just saying that you SHOULDN’T be so common that you aren’t missed.  You want people to look forward to seeing you.  You don’t want to be so common that you are just habit.  You want to create value by being a little rare.  You don’t have to go out every Friday just because you are invited.  You don’t have to accept every invite out of courtesy.  Pick and choose ones where you can make your presence and your absence felt.  This will keep relationships fresh and exciting.  Don’t believe me…give it a shot and see!!!

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