“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” — Dale Carnegie
Why do we want to make friends? The simple answer is that most of us long for someone else to share our lives with. We want to have someone to talk to, someone to hang out with, and someone to call when we are bored. We want to feel the comfort of someone who understands us and is willing to listen to us.
So, how do we make friends? Sure, we can take the selfish approach and go out trying to find someone to tell them about why they should like us. We talk about ourselves, what we do, how we do it? We talk about our work and our troubles. We talk about our kids or our significant other. We are hoping we can get them to like us by having them understand us. Mr. Carnegie’s advice is better.
Become Interested in People
If you truly want to become friends with someone, or are curious if someone is a person you want to become friends with, then you should let them run the conversation. Let the other person talk. Do you remember how we talked about being a good listener? If you want to make friends with someone, simply listen to them. Show interest in their interests. Let them talk about themselves. This way, you can discover what level of friendship you want to have with this person depending on what you learn from them. Be more interested in what they are saying than what you have to say. This is a recipe for finding the people who you want friendships with and how to easily build that friendship.
Try Not To Boast or Brag
Now, you will have to talk too, but be sure it is not too much. You don’t want to scare them away. You also want to avoid boasting or bragging. No one wants to sit across from someone and listen to them run on about their latest success or how they are the center of the universe. When that happens, you end up walking away thinking, “she is a nice lady, but I’m good.” Never boast or brag. That is like insect repellent for people.
Don’t Be A Weirdo!!!
Be careful that you aren’t just asking questions constantly. If every time the person answers something, you bombard them with another question, you may come off weird. True, you may not mean it that way and you are just trying to learn about the other person, but friendships are a two-way street. You have to give something back. When you ask a question and they answer, sit quietly and listen. Find the common points and share your experience around the topic. Make your sharing more pointed and short. Don’t run on, monopolizing the situation. Respond with one or two quick things and then ask another question. If you ask too many questions and don’t put anything into the pot, you could be labeled a weirdo, and that will be the end of that.
I know this post is short and sweet, but I believe Mr. Carnegie eloquently told us in his quote how to make friends. We spoke before about being out, socially, and being that good listener. By going to parties and being a good listener, you can easily find the people you want to be friends with and people you want to stay away from, simply by asking questions. Once you find someone you want to have a deeper relationship with, ask them more questions and really be interested in their answers. Get to know them. Let them talk about what interests them. Repeat it back to them to show them you are paying attention and sprinkle in some of your thoughts and ideas so that it isn’t just a one-sided conversation. Become interested in them and they will naturally become interested in you!!!
Mr. Carnegie wrote an excellent book titled How To Win Friends And Influence People. I read this book at least once a year. It’s a great book to help you understand people and motivate you to be a better friend. You can pick this book up via my Amazon affiliate link below: